Eulogy for John Michael Raleigh, Jr.

Please join me in the following prayer by Saint Ambrose:

Lord God, we can hope for others nothing better than the happiness we desire for ourselves. Therefore, I pray you, do not separate me after death from those I tenderly loved on earth. Grant that where I am they may be with me, and that I may enjoy their presence in heaven after being so often deprived of it on earth. Lord God, I ask you to receive your beloved children immediately into your life-giving heart. After this brief life on earth, give them eternal happiness. Amen.

Good morning and peace to each of you. On behalf of my mom, Elaine, and my brothers John Michael, Mark, Eric, and Christopher, thank you for being with us to celebrate the life of my dad.

Dad was born in New Jersey in August 1940. He grew up in a military family and moved often. Some of his fondest memories include time spent with his family moving about the world. He worshiped all his brothers and sisters and I’m glad my dads’ sister Betty, affectionately called Boo, as my dad called her when they were young, and brother Richard are here with us today. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention his sisters Marjorie and Alicia, who preceded him in death along with his parents John and Alicia.

Some of the funniest stories and my dad’s fondest memories include his time at Frankfurt High School in Germany. Dad began his career as a contractor for the Department of Defense working in the Pentagon, and worked for Computer Applications, Inc, Computer Sciences Corporation, and Boeing. My brothers and I all remember having laptop computers and floppy discs in the early 80’s when no one knew what computers where. When I see the impact of that on each of my brothers’ careers today and their mastery of computers, it makes me realize what a great blessing he gave each of us.

I wanted to talk a little bit about some of the characteristics that I think of when discussing my dad. The first is pride. I think there are two types of pride. Pride in one’s self and pride in others. My dad was the proudest dad I have ever known. I guess I can apologize now for any of you that were subjected to constantly hearing about how many scholarships John Michael racked up, how many athletic scholarships Mark was offered, how good Eric’s grades always were, and having to watch my father beam as he discussed Christopher at his graduations, most recently with a Master’s from UW. But it wasn’t just his sons he was proud of either. To hear him talk about any of our friends, you would not be sure if they were friends or his own sons. Even my mom was a subject of conversation of pride. He loved her immensely and fondly recanted their courtship.

Of course, it was always really just a chance for him to talk. We think he loved that more than anything. He was certainly a yarn-spinner and I doubt there is one person in this room that wasn’t charmed at one point talking with that man. And he would chat up anyone who was willing to listen to him. Grocery store, tavern, at the house, at a soccer game…didn’t matter, he’d find a way to relate to you and then probably brag on his five sons.

Another characteristic was his conservatism. I’m not talking politics here. Maybe old school is a better term. My dad believed in manners, grammar, sportsmanship, respect, and chivalry. These things are not dead yet, but I sometimes think they are eroding. He taught his boys that they were important, although sometimes in his own subtle way and sometimes in painfully direct ways.

Certainly, my dad had a great sense of humor. It was usually English-dry and sometimes painfully drawn out, but ever present. Two days before my dad passed, he was still up to his tricks. My mom left my dad with a neighbor to go to an appointment to have her hearing aids calibrated. When she returned, my dad appeared to be telling her a story and finally the neighbor broke down laughing hysterically when my mom yelled that she couldn’t hear him. It turns out that my dad was mouthing words but saying nothing.

Sports were a big part of his life. Growing up in the shadow of the New York Yankees as a kid gave him a lifelong love of baseball, especially when it was a radio broadcast. My dad would turn on the television, mute the station, and go outside with a radio to listen to the Mariners every single day. He would only glance at the TV if Neihaus really got excited. But it was the Seahawks that really got my dad animated. Although it was, and still is an often trying experience to root for that team, some of our favorite expressions were borne of watching Seattle fumble its way through the NFL and watch my dad react to it. There are quotes, which I won’t repeat, strictly for times’ sake, that are legendary in our house.

My dad enjoyed watching our sports matches and even coached some games for us growing up. Not an easy assignment to split the events of five boys between my parents, but my dad was certainly my biggest supporter and rarely missed games. Whether it was John Michael running track, Mark, Chris, and I playing soccer, or Eric pitching Little League gmaes…he was there. He also loved challenging us in pickup basketball games and throwing the football for us as we ran routes. We know he was good athlete, regardless of his unbelievable embellishments on his past accomplishments. We know because he could always demonstrate some impressive feats. We even saw him punt a basketball five stories high one day and watched him throw a football what seemed like the length of a street.

Ultimately, his greatest characteristic was his support of his friends and especially his family. All the characteristics mentioned are really about one thing…people. He cared about others and it always showed. He joined his friends daily for a pint and a discussion and he always made time for his family. He taught us to enjoy the outdoors by taking my older brothers on 50-Miler Boyscout trips, taking us fishing and camping, and showing us the beautiful and amazing places our country has to offer. He taught us to support our friends and stick through our commitments to teammates through sports. And he taught us to love our brothers and always support family, even when it’s tough.

I’m sure dad would continue to be proudest of his family. He often spoke fondly of all his nieces and nephews and certainly loved his daughter-in-laws, Frances, Brooke O’Neill, and Brooke Sande and his grandchildren, Elizabeth, Kellan, Winter, and Annika. But I am now the one, along with my brothers, to say how proud we are of my father. Along with my mom, he put five boys through college. He taught us to be conservative in having strong values. He taught us to use humor in all things. He taught us to enjoy and use sports to take care of our health, build friendships, and stay through commitment. He taught us to always support our friends and family. He taught us to care for people and treat everyone as though they needed to hear a good story.

Today, I ask each of you to examine your relationship with the Lord, your family, and your friends and to fix each of them where needed. Please pray for my father and especially for your own family members that have gone forward to join the Lord. Please pray for all those who need our prayers and consider praying the rosary.

I am happy to know my dad will be buried at Tahoma National Cemetery. I believe my dad is in heaven and looking down upon my family and each of us today. He is at peace. He has made the world a better place by caring for not only his family, but also by taking time for and sharing of himself with others.

Dad was my biggest mentor and friend. My brothers and I will remember dad slightly differently, but all share the same stories and experiences of his love. We will all miss him tremendously. He is loved and he will be missed.